


Timeless

by ayame_yume



Series: the ending and the beginning [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, a process of healing, at least it's better, i only know pain and that's how i write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 17:57:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14526057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayame_yume/pseuds/ayame_yume
Summary: When they shared a same dream, going through the same pain, and accepted the reality of their actual love. Because their love is timeless and will last for eternity.Mark and Renjun went through the healing phase.[Last part of "the ending and beginning" Trilogy]





	Timeless

**Author's Note:**

> i made up my promise. can i kill myself now
> 
> enjoy the true sequel of this painful MarkRen trilogy i made :")
> 
> (Notes: listen to NCT U - Timeless repeatedly when you read this because i wrote it like that)

_The scene from the past visited my dream once again._

_It was when we were together. We were on our favorite riverside, sitting side by side as we watched the sunset. The sky was similar to what we saw when we started to meet in that bridge—a beautiful orange color with no tint of white clouds decorated the almost night sky with a yellow and orange gradated sun moving slowly to the darkness. The scenery was so vivid, so real._

_You put your small head on my quite wide shoulder, closing your eyelids as wind breezes passed through our body. The smell of the water accompanied by your sweet scent made me put my hand on your hips. I pulled you closer so you will feel comfortable. You hummed your life song softly as the sky behind us turned into dark blue._

_Your presence alone made me crazy. I can’t think straight. I want to make you mine forever. I want to hug you. I want to cuddle with you. I want to kiss you. Tell you that I love you so much. Tell you that I can’t live without your beautiful smile in my life._

_Your mesmerizing voice stopped humming after a while and I found out that you went into the dream land. Your soft breathing told me right away. I didn’t have heart to wake you up so I let you sleep._

_The sunset was beautiful. But you who slept in my shoulder were far more beautiful._

_As the sun hid themselves behind the buildings, my time was running out. I tugged a little, moved you to sleep properly above the grass, trying my best to not wake you up as I don’t want to lose sight of your peaceful expression. Only God knows what will happen once you went home. I rarely saw you sleeping so I want to enjoy this sight._

_I kissed your forehead and you replied me with a smile._

_After that, I brought you home since I must return to my own dorm._

_It was a memory from when we were in deep love with each other. When we were still in a deep relationship and longed for each other every single second passed in my life._

_I still longed for you love._

* * *

_I miss you._

_I said these words thousand times every single day. I miss you._

_I miss your sparkling eyes.I miss your handsome face. I miss your quite wide shoulder I love to place my head at. I miss your big arms. I miss your warm hands which caressed my back head softly after you praise me. I miss you._

_I miss your voice. I miss your talking. I miss your rap. I miss your singing. I miss your powerful rap. I miss your implicit lyrics. I miss how you pour your love to me through your lyrics. I miss how you will put your life into your lyrics. I miss you._

_I miss your stupid behavior. I miss your idiotic actions. I miss your unfunny jokes. I miss it when we all in unison will judge your unfunny puns and you will consider your life choices in less than one second. I miss your teases. I miss when I tease you. I miss you._

_I miss your powerful gazes above the stage. I miss your gestures when you lead someone else. I miss your sight in front of me whenever I danced. I miss your strong leadership. I miss you._

_I miss your sweet whispers. I miss your cuddles. I miss your hugs. I miss you._

_I miss your loving gaze. I miss it when we just stare at each other. I miss you._

_I miss your soft “I love you”. I miss you._

_I miss your little kisses you will throw me whenever we were in private. I miss you._

_I miss you everything. I miss you._

_But I know for sure that it will just stay as a hope._

_I can say I miss you thousand times, hundred thousand times, million times. But it will just stay like that and I won’t be able to satisfy it._

_Still…_

_I miss you._

* * *

It was a busy day for NCT 127.

The whole team just arrived home after finishing their newest Japan comeback. The comeback was more than a success. It was big hit, thus they prolonged the promotion time a little more. They decided to use this chance to meet more fans as well, holding a lot of fan meetings and sign events even though the concept wasn’t really popular in Japan. The fans were happy that they were treated like the Korean fans so it didn’t bothered them a lot.

The success could happen only because the fans were there. They needed to repay their fans for this. They were happy to meet their beloved grasses. Meeting their fans and releasing music was the only things they could do in order to repay the fans’ kindness.

Now those times were only memories. They needed to proceed with a new music in order to meet their fans once again. They must work harder than before.

But for Mark Lee, he can’t just work for their Korean comeback. SM Entertainment just announced to NCT that they will debut an American unit. The unit will consist of the group’s best English speakers and several Korean members as the vocalist. For sure, he and Johnny will be in as they are the Americans of the group. Even though the line-up hadn’t been announced, but he expected Lucas and Chenle would be in as they are good at speaking English.

If everyone worked twice harder than their usual, Mark needs to work fourth times harder than everyone else.

He wants to produce music faster.

Mark can’t let himself down because he has an important reason.

He wants that person to feel better even though he isn’t by his side. Even though they were separated by the nation border, he wants him to feel he is always accompanying him whatever he does.

Or probably, he just wants to meet him proudly. Says “I have achieved so much in order to be with you” while placed his hand in front of his chest must feel good.

Even though it won’t happen.

As he stepped a foot in Incheon International Airport, Mark asked his Manager to bring him to the company building instead of their dorm. He wants to work immediately. Jetlag doesn’t bother him anymore. The other followed his ideas, thinking they should work right away if they want to meet the fans faster.

He doesn’t know why he keeps making music. It is his passion, but maybe it’s just a mask.

Maybe it’s just a way for him to cope with his longing feeling.

* * *

Saying their debut in China a futile was wrong. People probably underestimated them since they were from Korean’s company, but it didn’t happen even once.

Their debut was what bring NCT’s name into prosper. The unit led by Kun proves themselves to be the new trend and everyone in China is craving for their comeback. Everyone was surprised by how different the group’s music compared to NCT U, NCT 127 and NCT Dream’s music. Their unison and harmony in their debut performance shows everyone how long they want to debut as one unit, showing the world that they are indeed from Korea’s biggest company.

The unit became so popular not only in China but also worldwide. Even though they are a unit focused only to promote in China, but their popularity is not a joke. They got a lot of jobs focused on international events as well. They could go from one country to another country in span of three days. The airport would be packed with fans—mostly the local ones.

NCT became widely known because of them.

If he can give a reason why they are a success, maybe it’s because the group composition is perfect. Kun is the one who lead them. The leader, he and Chenle are the main vocalists. Winwin is one of the best dancers in NCT and Lucas is a great rapper. Their songs showed their individual charms, but still in unison and harmony. They have practiced long for this debut after all.

All the members tasted the popularity they longed for long. Especially Kun, since he was the last to debut under NCT name. Whenever they go, fans will be there. In every event, the fans’ chants are really loud, even louder than the one he always heard in Korea. Maybe, it was similar to Empathy’s showcase one? Even though there were only 300 people, it felt the same.

Not only that, they appeared in media as personal a lot. Chenle and Lucas are really popular between the teens. Chenle is a well-known singer in China, his name isn’t strange anymore. Lucas is handsome—he’s literally the visual. Their works are no joke. He can’t remember when he saw Chenle after last month. He kind of misses the little beagle’s dolphin scream now the boy is too busy to take phone calls.

They all have their own individual jobs now.

This is what they all wait since their NCT debut.

They are the stars now. They aren’t adored someone else in front of TV anymore. They feel it.

Huang Renjun sighs as he finished his photo shoot. He feels tired, of course since he hasn’t sleep for 2 nights in a row, but he can’t stop. This is the dream he chases.

He’s one of the dream chaser.

He will do anything to chase his dream.

After that, probably, he will stop and chasing another dream.

Renjun prepares his smile. He walks inside the room confidently as he still needs to do the interview for his photo shoots. He must finish what he started, right?

* * *

The line-up for NCT America unit has been announced.

It feels unreal since it’s just last year when Mark saw them prepare for another unit’s debut. He meets them once again and now, he will be in the same unit as them.

Lucas and Chenle are included in this new unit. As everyone predicted before, the America line will have the best English speakers in the group. He, Johnny, Ten, Lucas and Chenle are expected. If Mark needs to say who he didn’t expect at all to join the group, it will be Jungwoo. But the group doesn’t really have many vocals and additional vocalists are really welcomed.

In the practice room, Johnny leads the discussion about their unit’s concept. He remembers that China unit chooses their own concept and since it worked perfectly, he bets the company wants to try the same tactic for America market. The company still feel a bit cautious in case the tactic doesn’t really worked, so they will discuss the concept first with Lee Soo Man before decided if it’s okay or not.

Being the seniors of this tactic, Lucas and Chenle don’t talk too much. They do give their opinions regarding the concept Johnny proposed, even though mostly it’s how to make that concept works instead of disagreeing. Ten is the first person who disagrees with the concept, while Jaehyun and Jungwoo haven’t giving their opinion. Mark himself is on the team who agrees since he and Johnny were living in America and they know American’s music taste.

But Chenle gives an advice once they all settled to go with Johnny’s concept.

“The only reason of China unit’s success is because we all trained together for quite a long time. We try to understand each other’s way of thinking, that’s why we know each other’s strengths and weaknesses.

I still remember that moment how mad Renjun-hyung was when Kun-hyung submitted the concept to the company. Even though we are success right now, deep inside, I know Renjun-hyung is still disappointed by how Kun-hyung never sees whether he can do it or not. If his will to be an artist lost to his ego, I bet Renjun-hyung will drop out from our unit immediately. It was so scary—he literally locked himself in his room for one month without eating properly.

I don’t want what happen to Renjun-hyung repeated in this unit. So, if we want to success, please throw your ego away and try to like whatever choice being made. Since we decided this concept by ourselves, and everyone has given their agreement, set aside whatever opinion you have and do whatever it takes to make it successful.”

As Johnny goes to discuss their chosen concept to their superiors, the six of them stay in the practice room. Ten and Jaehyun are discussing about the concept they agreed and they continue with dancing to Black on Black. Lucas and Jungwoo are in their own world—it’s been a while since they meet each other so they chat quite long. Chenle is busy with his own phone. Probably he asks whether Jisung is in company building or not.

Mark is quite curious whether Renjun is really mad or it’s just Chenle exaggerating small matters in order to bring them together. He wants to ask, but he is afraid. He has nothing to do with Huang Renjun anymore after all.

“If you want to ask me if I tell the truth or not, then I will give you a direct answer, Hyung. Yes, it’s the truth,” Chenle said, still not looking away from his phone.

“I didn’t say anything though.”

“You love Renjun-hyung. Everyone in Dream can see it clearly. Or to be precise, you loved him.”

“…”

“Partially it was your fault as well because our concept discussion happened right after Black on Black promotion ended—which was also when you two broke up. But Kun-hyung was wrong to discuss it without Hyung and submitted it. We all wanted to wait until Renjun-hyung’s condition got better then asked his opinion but we all found out that the company agreed with the concept and Renjun-hyung felt betrayed twice.

I still remember it clearly when he said, “There’s no one I can trust in this group anymore. Only one. And you all participated at taking away my only life source. Do whatever you want, I don’t care anymore. Maybe it’s better if I died—no one will care after all.”

It was really scary. He doesn’t leave his room except for taking bath and using toilet—he ate so little, he brought water to his room and he was really thin when I busted him in the midnight because apparently he never slept at night. I worked hard to drag him out. I tried to reassure him and reminded him of why he was in Korea. He got convinced in the end. But he still gives Kun-hyung cold looks and he was never the same Renjun-hyung I know anymore.

I answered your question so I want you to answer mine.”

Chenle put down his phone, and looked at Mark seriously.

“Do you still love Renjun-hyung or not? Because Renjun-hyung did and it’s painful for me to see him craving for someone’s love every time I saw him.”

…

He is sure with his reply, but Mark didn’t give his answer.

That is the only question he doesn’t want to reply.

* * *

Lucas told him that Chenle broke into tears when he was sleep.

Renjun hates it.

If there is someone in this world he could trust and give his whole life for protect their happiness, it’s only Chenle. The boy had been clingy to him since he came to Korea. Well, it was because the beagle boy hadn’t learned Korean language and he was going to debut with NCT Dream. He being clingy to him was expected. He was happy to get a little brother even though sometimes, this brother was too annoying.

Chenle said that he is too pure. He thinks otherwise.

It is Chenle who is pure.

He is never pure.

He is dirty. That’s why everything around him left him. Even the one he loves the most in this world…

He is alone in China. Kun has a solo project to do and Winwin is going to have a comeback with NCT 127. Chenle and Lucas go to Korea along with the two older members as they are going to debut with newly announced America unit. Kun asked him if he wants to join them and meet everyone as it’s been months since he saw his fellow 00 line friends but he rejected. He still has a lot of works to do.

Even though the actual reason is he doesn’t want to see his face.

Renjun believes he will get better as time passed. He will go back to Korea if he has recovered.

But how long it will take for him to be fully recovered? Months? Years? He doesn’t even sure if this will heal or not.

Maybe he will if he tries to find something interesting. Maybe he should develop a hobby. Probably he should do his old hobbies. He loves drawing. Sketching whatever passed in his mind will be a joy that only artists understand. He can sketch whatever he wants. He can draw whatever he wants. No one will comment at it as he draws for himself. For his own enjoyment, he can draw anything he wants.

Renjun decided to draw impromptu. He wanted to try something he hasn’t been doing. He often sketched for TV broadcast—everyone asked him to showcase his drawing skill and he found it boring if he did it again in his free time.

He filled two cups with water and put them in the table. He brought out his long everlasting Moomin sketchbook given by a fan from his promotion in Korea along with his personal drawing box from the storeroom. After cleaned them a bit with a cloth, he put them in the table as well. He took out his watercolor kit. It has been a while since he painted.

He lets his own mind to draw whatever they want. He lets his hand played. He doesn’t have anything in his mind—he just lets his brain do whatever they want. A questionable art may come out and he can spend time to decipher them. He enjoyed the time he must use his brain. It’s the only time when he can forget everything around him.

His brain decides to betray him.

He digs his own grave.

His head decided to draw something he doesn’t want to see this past one year. An orange sky accompanied with one yellow orange gradation circle in the middle and what he figured to be a river. Two people in dark silhouette were sitting side by side. They watched the circle.

If not for Lucas’ call, he probably already broke his given sketchbook. Somehow, Renjun is glad Lucas decided to call. The sketchbook is a precious gift given by fans. Who is him to destroy such precious memento from his beloved dearests? How dare him!

“ _Hey, sorry to disturb you in the midnight_ ,” Lucas started. His voice was really small. Maybe he didn’t want to wake someone else.

“ _Ge? What is it?_ ”

“ _Uhmm… You know, I’m not a pro at this matter so all I can do is to ask you. Kun-ge didn’t take up his call and Winwin-ge is still practicing._ ”

“ _Okay, but what happen? Why you speak in small voice?_ ”

“ _I don’t want Chenle to know I called you._ ”

“ _Chenle?_ ”

“ _He cries again in his sleep._ ”

Whoever is it, Renjun knows he won’t be able to forgive him. Who dare to make his beloved little brother cry!? In Korea!? Who????

“ _Do you know the reason why?_ ” Renjun asked.

“ _Don’t know. I can’t remember any reason to make him crying… except he had a chat with Mark._ ”

Oh.

“ _…Can you use loudspeaker? I will do something to make him sleep peacefully._ ”

He should just go and accompany Chenle to Korea. He should just go with the youngest Chinese. He should not let his ego wins. Just because he didn’t want to see his face doesn’t mean he can act like however he wants. He understands the younger needs him—yet he failed to see it and let his head led him to this decision.

Renjun sang a soft song and let Chenle heard them. He didn’t know if the younger was awake or not when he sang, but after he was done, Lucas thanked him. He sent a message to the 99-line born Chinese, said if Chenle needed him then don’t hesitate to call.

He wanted to forget him. But somehow, he stayed in his mind and it would be forever.

Now he is in the same unit as Chenle, it will be inevitable to not meet him.

But deep inside, does he want to forget him or not?

Renjun doesn’t know. If he is asked this question, Renjun won’t be able to reply it.

That is the only question that he can’t answer.

* * *

It supposed to feel nice for being able to go home after a long time.

Well, not really go home. Since they don’t go to Canada, but they go to New York instead.

New York will be the next city. The new NCT unit will have their base in this very city. The reason is easy. New York is the center of USA’s economic market and it’s also the base of America’s entertainment. Setting their beginning in this place supposes to be the right decision to do. It may be heavy considering how big America’s music market is and how popular is it.

To Mark, New York feels similar to Canada. Even though they are different in every aspect, Canada is still a part of North America and every place in North America feels like Canada to him. It is a nice change of environment, considering he needs new ideas if he wants to write fresh lyrics.

He likes every single part of this city. It has been his dream to go to this place.

But ideas don’t come easily.

Mark watched as people passed by through the glass. He was in popular fast food restaurant, eating a long-missed fast food he didn’t get permission to eat since he needs to protect the ideal weight. The hamburger, he must said, tastes better here than in Korea. But Korea’s one has their own charms and even though the one in here taste better, he likes the Korea one as well.

He tried to get some ideas by watching people walking.

What kind of uniqueness he can find in this place? He actually wants to use it as an idea for his new song.

He tries to write this song since he is in Korea and he had tried the same tactic as well, but nothing came into fruition. He is stuck after two words and it annoys him a lot. He says it will get better once he comes to America since the environment is different, but it doesn’t happen. Second annoyance is coming through.

He can’t get any ideas at all.

Maybe he should change the whole theme. But what should he write?

He can’t remember when the last time this kind of situation happened. If he remembers it well, in last one year, he only writes his own experiences regarding the whole theme of a song with Taeyong as his co-writer. Taeyong is always the one who decides the theme and all he needs to do is write the lyrics based off that theme. Also he was still copping with the break up. Writing lyrics is one of his ways to cope with the loss.

He should just write a love song.

Love songs are popular in America.

He wants ‘something fresh’ as his theme. Maybe fall in love will be a good temporary idea. But Mark has forgotten how to fall in love again—since his latest love life doesn’t go well. He doesn’t even remember how he falls in love with him again. He has forgotten how to feel love. He has forgotten what love is.

But he can’t forget him. His beloved lover. His one and only one in this world.

…

If he saw at the scenery from that beloved day, can he remember it?

Mark wondered if he can see that same scenery here.

“The view will be different”—his past lover said when they got into a call once in the past. They were still loved each other at that time and the best couple in the world. They were separated by the sea. His beloved was going back to his hometown to celebrate Thanksgiving, while he stayed in Korea because he had a schedule right before Thanksgiving. He said that he wanted to watch the sunset in China, but disappointed as it felt different than in Korea—the one they loved so much.

He remembered how cute the other expressed his disappointment. He literally threw aegyos here and there. He pouted a lot and spoke in a very cute way. Something he only showed to him and probably to no one else.

“Maybe I should try… To see if it really feels different.”

He moved out from his seat, threw his burger package to the trashcan and brought his cola out from the restaurant. He decided to go by subway train.

His destination is Statue of Liberty National Monument.

* * *

Haechan told him to go back to Korea as he wanted to have a drink with everyone in their age line.

He still doesn’t understand why he comply the June-born male’s request really fast. The moment he realizes everything, he already seated in the plane. He doesn’t remember when he asks his Manager’s permission. He doesn’t remember when he orders the ticket. He doesn’t remember when he packs all his stuffs. He doesn’t remember when he passed the immigration.

This is maybe his first time to step a foot in Korea land after one year.

Last one year is just busy. As far as his memories brought him, he didn’t come home at all for Lunar New Year or Thanksgiving. He can’t even remember when the last time he eats hotpot. He will make sure to ask Winwin to bring him to their favorite hotpot place. He needs the taste of hotpot broth in order to make him survive another year without him.

Exaggeration, indeed.

Coming out from the airport, he could see his fans standing behind the fence. They screamed for his name, trying to get a lot of his photos to be shared to their fellow fans. It seemed the number was a lot bigger than the last time he saw them—maybe the fansites from Korea came out too? While it is fine to say his fansites are many, several veteran ones are from Korea and they probably can’t afford to live in China.

There are a lot of faces he can recognize. The old and new ones. It’s nice to see them after a while.

He waved his hands and walked to the car awaiting him. He didn’t even remember when he told someone in Korea that he will go visit. His manager isn’t here, he comes alone. So who is this generous person that want to pick him from the airport?

Once he gets closer to the car, he knows who it is immediately.

“I don’t know you ride a car now,” Renjun said, putting a cynical smile in his face.

“I told you before I want to ride a car. I get to learn it and use it literally every day since I can ride it properly,” the other party replied, gestured him to put his luggage in the middle row.

He did as ordered and took a sit in the front seat. He buckled the seat belt and they go to the promised place they have been discussing since last week.

“To be honest, never once in my mind passed the thought of you coming back here.”

“Me too.”

“You are unlucky. Mark-hyung went to America two days ago.”

Renjun glared the driver, as if saying to not mention him anymore. Jeno laughed.

“I know you miss him as much as he misses you, little fox.”

“Shut up. Chenle cried after he talked to him. I can’t forgive him even though he is my past boyfriend. I hate him,” the Chinese replied.

“Chenle didn’t cry after he talks to Mark-hyung. He cried because he remembered you locking yourself in the room for a month and didn’t want to listen to anyone’s words. He remembered how hard it took him to convince you. He also cried the last time he told Jisung that story. Don’t misunderstand Mark-hyung,” Jeno said.

“…I don’t want to talk about him anymore.”

“You want. I became your roommate for almost two years not for nothing, idiot.”

“Call me idiot and I will choke you to death.”

“Say that to Jisung because he will miss your chokes. You won’t even believe how he made our dorm a literal mess,” Jeno laughed a little as he recalled how bad their dorm currently without the Chinese’s presence.

“I don’t even want to imagine it,” Renjun replied, looking at the outside.

They had to stop in a rest area since Jeno wanted to have a coffee suddenly. The Chinese stayed in the car, only ordered the 1-month younger to buy him a cup of hot tea and fried octopus—it was too cold and he doesn’t want to freeze himself even though spring is just around the corner.

Beside him was a mountain. He stared at it since he was bored.

To be honest, Renjun enjoys sea more than mountain. The smell of the salt water is his favorite since he was young. The softness of the sand, the calming sound of waves coming to the ground and trying to reach whoever stand close to them, and the beauty of sea lives are a captivating sight he can spend years watching at it. The legendary wave in We Young choreography? That’s how he showcased his love to the transparent, tasty blue water.

Also, he can get a sunset view in the sea. The sun will truly hide under the ground. He likes it.

He remembers the time when NCT Dream members are doing photoshoot for We Young and they all played in the sea. Jisung was a mess after everyone threw him to the water, Chenle screamed his dolphin-pitch screams through the day, Haechan kept throwing sand to Jeno, Jeno amazed everyone after he swam because he was still handsome and Mark…

Mark let out his stresses by laughing at everyone. It was satisfying to see him being free of his burden.

It was a beautiful memory.

…

He is still in love with the Canadian.

Just when he thought he already forgot about his unrequited love, the image of him kept coming back. He tried thousand ways to keep him occupied. The only one way proving to be a success is by having him working as a singer. But even when he was up on the stage, when he stood on it, looking at those who supported him and cheered up for him with their green lightsticks—his beloved sprouts, when he was supposed to show his perfect performance, Mark Lee still appeared in his head.

Mark is what brought him to the fame everyone said he deserves for.

Mark’s image always stands strong in front of him.

The past NCT Dream leader’s back is what makes him able to show his everything.

…

In order to reach him once again, probably. Renjun doesn’t sure why he keeps doing it.

…

When Jeno comes back to the car, he found the one-month older Chinese has his long ago vanished tears flew through his cold cheeks while he was closed his eyes. The other’s breathing was slow, indicating that he was asleep. The younger smiled.

Maybe, Huang Renjun has realized that no matter how much he wants to forget Mark Lee, it’s not possible to forget the love you strived for God-knows how long and felt happy with in just a mere one year.

Even though it’s just two years, a lot of memories were created and they were happy whenever they have a time to be with each other. It’s enough to make them need each other.

It’s painful for Jeno to see them being tortured by their situation.

“………I think it is night in New York, right?”

* * *

Mark’s plan to get a sunset view is a fail.

Right after he arrived in National Monument, the moment he got to see a glance of the sunset’s light, Johnny called him to go home. He said something happened suddenly and he needed Mark’s help the most since he was too occupied with another “something”. Mark didn’t understand what happened and even though at first he wanted to ignore the older, he decided to go home.

Apparently, Johnny must pick Taeyong up since he was coming here. Jungwoo got a sudden environment change and Chenle said he passed out suddenly. The Chinese didn’t know what to do. Mark brought the Korean member to the nearby clinic and was told such. It must be heavy for him since he got a really bad fever.

“I got a big culture shock when I first moved to Korea. The shock made me sick really bad to the point I can’t even move my body for a whole week. It’s sudden environment change. Hyung probably got it too when you moved from Canada, especially Canada is really different to Korea compared to China.

At that time, I remembered how worried Renjun-hyung is. He stayed by my side the whole time. He sat beside me, warmed my hands with his little palms, mutter a lot of concerning words in process. He cried in his sleep through the week. He didn’t eat if I didn’t too. He rarely left the room unless someone dragged him out. When I could sit up, he hugged me and said that he will protect me. He wanted to make me feel like home.

But I can’t make him think like that. When he was hurt, I can’t do the same to him. Another thing I remember from that week is his mumbles. He mumbled your name countless times between his tears. He asked for your presence. He still did now. He slept. He cried. He called your name. Loudly. But you never been there and you can’t. I can’t help him at all.

I hated you for making him like this, indeed. But I can’t deny the fact that you two love each other. I don’t like how Renjun-hyung fell in love with you out of every person in this world. No one in NCT did at first. But we all come to see how wrong we are and we need to accept the fact that we can’t do anything for your loves. Love can’t be separated. It causes despair to those being apart. I saw Renjun-hyung and now I see you. You two love each other and it’s clear. You want to be with each other.

But you two decided to separate ways because you two know what you want. You prioritize your dreams. It hurts, but you two chose the wisest choice for yourselves.

I don’t want to be that person but… Mark-hyung, go to do whatever you want to do. If it will heal you, do it. I will stay here with Jungwoo-hyung.

You are Renjun-hyung’s home after all. He must be homesick so bad right now.”

Literally, Chenle shoo-ed Mark out from the clinic and he wasn’t permitted to go in. Slightly worried, he decided to stay for a few minutes, in case something happened suddenly. The younger, however, stared at him intensely. The Chinese decided to come out and told him something.

“Soon, it will be sunset in Korea. If you can’t get the sunset in here, you can’t miss the sunset in Korea, right? Soon, the sun will rise.”

“But Chenle—”

“Renjun-hyung is waiting. Go.”

“Chenle I’m serious how about—”

“JUST. GO.”

The Canadian ran away immediately after Chenle shot him with his deadliest glare. He didn’t want to be killed yet.

He arrived in the same place as he was yesterday right in the time. He looked at the sky—the fresh soft orange colored sky with no tint of white clouds but stars above him welcomed his gazes. He followed the gradation—searching where is the center of this beautiful scenery started. He walked slowly as he wants to enjoy this new landscape he gets to see for the first time.

It will be perfect if Renjun can see the sunrise as well.

Mark stopped walking when he can see a bright circle from the ground. It’s the center. He looked at his surroundings. Where the sun will come out is perfect. He can see it coming up clearly without buildings cover the below part. In front of him was a vast sea—that’s what Mark’s thought. The sky is reflected on the water surface, it glows up everything around him. A scene he bet Renjun will love to see.

_Soon, it will be sunset in Korea. In New York, however, it’s a sunrise._

Should he call him?

Mark knows Renjun went back to Korea today. He overhears Chenle’s conversation with the older.

But it should be now or never. He won’t have any chance to show this to him anymore. He gets the right timing. Also, Chenle will kill him if he comes home empty-handed.

He needs to heal.

Renjun needs to heal.

Mark also needs to heal.

More than it, he misses him so much.

If Renjun never makes the first move, then he must. Or they will be trapped with their loneliness forever and never heal no matter what they do in the future. They won’t be able to forget each other. They will feel the pain forever. And Renjun won’t be able to sing from his heart anymore. And Mark won’t be able to write his lyrics anymore.

They won’t be able to chase their dreams anymore.

Mark has decided. He hopes Renjun will get his telepathy once again.

For the first time after twelve months, after being separated from each other and hurting his own life, Mark makes himself brave and dials Renjun, while praying that the younger will pick up his call.

* * *

Jeno dropped him half way.

Somehow, something happened to Jisung so Jeno must check him up. Jaemin and Haechan have arrived in their meeting place. They chose a place far from the dorm. Since only Jeno in that house who drive a vehicle, he didn’t have any choice. After contemplating whether to join the April born or not, Renjun decided to go to that place by walking.

Nothing has really changed since he moved out from his old dorm. The convenience store, the butcher shop, the vegetable shop—nothing has changed. Even the convenience store aunt still remembers him.

“Aigoo. Injunnie grows up a lot. You lost your lovely snaggletooth but you got more handsome than before. Still sweet like a gum,” Aunt praised.

Despite being praised by everyone, deep inside, Renjun only wants to be praised by that person.

Mark Lee.

He misses him a lot.

Renjun stood in front of the bridge. He remembered that day when Mark threw his umbrella and ran to his aid after he sprained his ankle. He was really surprised actually when the older appeared in front of him suddenly. The worried look in the older face seemed so vivid. As if it was just happened yesterday and not three years ago.

He misses it when Mark looks so miserable whenever he’s hurt. It’s so satisfying to see the younger felt the same pain as him.

It assures him that the older is indeed in love with him. Also, it tells him that he is loved in a way he can’t grasp.

His foots brought him to the very place he didn’t want to come actually but has no choice because there’s no other way. He loves this place a lot.

It is the bridge. Where he and Mark have their first private conversation. The memorable place for a lot of memories—like their first conversation, their first secret place, their first date destination, their confession place, their last date destination… The place that have a lot of meaning for him. A place where everything in his life began, and ended too. A place where he and Mark spend half of their love relationship at.

Somehow, it’s hard for him to standing straight. He wants to let his legs give up and let his body falls to the ground. He can’t do this alone.

Renjun looks at the sky he loves so much in the past. The sky is as pretty as usual. He loves how it looks like a canvas—this time, it’s just orange color with little stars decorated the vast landscape and a beautiful orange-red-yellow gradation sun slowly going down to hide. The sky is reflected on the water as usual. It makes the river glows. Something he can’t get in China.

Four years ago, he would be watching the sunset here alone. Lonely by himself, prayed for something that seemed impossible, like being in the relationship with a certain SMRookies member. This place is his secret place. Whenever he felt down, whenever he felt he must get it right, whenever he felt disappointed with himself and wanted to cry, he will be here. All alone without someone else.

But it changed. Mark Lee comes to his life. They shared their happiness, sadness, frustration, disappointment, dreams and love together here. They would sit here in around this hour, just being quiet, watching the sunset while listening to the nature and smelling the scent of each other. A comfortable moment that only can be shared with the two of them sitting next to each other.

He isn’t supposed to cry. Everything in the past won’t be able to come back.

They have decided to separate ways.

Even though their love lasts forever, their dreams are not. They decided to pursue them. All left from their love is memories that won’t be able to burn out as long as they live.

Their memories of being in love with each other are all what’s left in their relationship.

If their love is everlasting, the pain they felt right now can’t be ended that easy as well.

When reminiscences the beautiful but painful past, Renjun feels his phone vibrates. At first, he wonders who will call him in his holiday, since he told his manager that Haechan asked him to not contact him especially about works. He contemplates a lot whether he should take the call or not. Thinking it’s probably important, he picks up the call without looking at the caller’s name.

And Renjun drops to the ground.

His tears will fall once again as he hears the one he misses the most—the voice of his beloved called his name sweetly.

* * *

“Renjun-ah,” Mark called him softly.

Instead of a reply, he hears the other party sobbed quietly. Is he okay?

Worried, he called him once again.

“Hey, Renjun-ah. Are you okay?”

Mark doesn’t know that his tears will break down as well when he hears Renjun’s voice—calling his name in a tone he missed the most.

“Mark-hyung, I’m okay.”

* * *

“Hey, you are fine, right?”

“I’m fine. It’s just I’m so surprised you called first…”

“I told you that day. If you miss me, or something else, you can call me anytime! But you never did and it’s been a year. I kinda miss your endless nags too so… Yeah, you know.

I just want to hear your voice after a long time…”

“So… That’s why you called… Somehow, my tears can’t stop at all…”

“Hey, I don’t know what should I do! Don’t cry!!”

“Hyung, I miss you.”

Mark smiled as he wiped his tears. One of them should not cry right. He was always been the stronger out of the two after all.

“I miss you too, Renjun. I miss you. I miss you so much it’s hard for me to sleep every night and start my day. I miss your voice. I miss your sparkling eyes. I miss your smile. I miss your singing. I miss your violence as well… It’s hard to endure but I can’t endure it anymore. I called because I miss you so much.”

“I miss you, Hyung. I… I just miss you. If only I can jump through this little screen and hug you… I really want to see you right now…”

“How about video call? I want to see you too!”

“I look pathetic now so no. Do it next time.”

“So, there will be next time?”

“I don’t know. I hope.”

Renjun didn’t want to say this, but he didn’t want to disappoint himself as well. He can’t make any promises he couldn’t do. He is afraid he won’t be able to carry out them.

“It’s fine. Let’s take it slowly. But I hope you will call me first next time!”

“But it took you one year to call me first! I thought you will call me immediately after one month or even one week—took you too long! I braved myself in the past to confront you at New Year Eve right away but you took one year to call me… I’m disappointed!”

“Hey… I didn’t call you because I know how busy you will be. You are debuting in China, the preparation must be crazy. I felt that three times and now going for my fourth time, you know… I’m trying to be understanding like you asked before!”

“Don’t punch me with such words! It suffocated you as well as me! We… We should just talk to each other instead of thinking being a bother… That way, we don’t need to suffer for a whole year…”

“…”

Both stayed quiet as they reflected on what happened past one year. It was really hard. There were a lot of things they need to endure. Most of them are regarding performances—dancing, singing and creating a perfect stage for their fans. Before, they will tell each other what should they improve or their strong points. But without those helps, it was so confusing they often lost path.

“Anyway, where are you?” Mark asked suddenly. He couldn’t take the suffocating silence anymore.

“Where you think I will be at,” Renjun replied.

“Ah, then we must be looking at the same sun right now.”

The Chinese twitched his eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m looking at the sunrise. I bet it’s as beautiful as the one you see in Korea right now. Seriously, you won’t believe, it’s really pretty. I take a lot of pictures already!”

“Sunrise?”

“Yeah. Chenle told me to watch the sunrise.”

Somehow, Renjun felt like this is what the 00-liners planned as well. The visual of NCT Dream suddenly said Jisung needed him even though nothing happened at all. Maybe Jeno knew Mark will call him so he brought him here? It made sense seeing how Haechan chose their old Dream dorm as the meeting place. He must pass this bridge to go to that dorm.

“I’m watching the sunset… Send me the pictures later.”

“I will.”

Then they became quiet again. It wasn’t as suffocating as before.

They took this moment to think what they want to say.

“Renjun—”

“Mark-hyung—”

Mark smiled. “You first,” he said, as he watched the sun.

“Okay,” Renjun replied, watching the sun as well.

“Uhm… I have a lot to say to you… But…

I think I won’t be able to chase my dreams properly if you are not with me, Hyung. I never said this when we are still a couple but Hyung is my energy source. You being in front of me, you lead me and the rest of NCT Dream members, you who giving your 100% in everything you do, you who working very hard inspired me so hard to do well.

When I was going to perform my debut song with Kun-hyung, Winwin-hyung, Lucas-hyung and Chenle, I was so afraid. What if I don’t it properly? What if I make a mistake? What if I fail to sing the notes? What if I mess up? What if it doesn’t reach the expectation and we tarnish NCT’s name? What if it happens because I mess up? A lot of things came inside my mind and somehow, I got a stage fright. I can’t sing properly and it made my heart beats really fast. I’m so afraid.

But I heard Lucas-hyung played We Young and sang “No need to worry” part. I decided to hear to our songs and I was able to gain peace. I remembered how you rap. I remembered how you danced above the stage. I remembered the smile you poster in your face whenever you perform the songs. I remembered your voice. Somehow, I was able to picture you in front of me. You were going to sing this song with me—I could picture it. I did my best because of you and where I am right now is because of you, Hyung.

But after the stage was done, I came back to the reality. You are not performing in front of me. You are not with me. I cried. At that time, I realized how important Mark Lee in my life and I can’t believe I don’t have him within me anymore…

I began to lose my direction. For what I become an idol? I can’t remember any of them… Chenle told me that I was blind before, I should be able to open my eyes and see what I want actually. I tried to forget your presence in my life, hoping it will make my eyes opened and I will be able to see what my dream is actually. But my dream lies in you. I realized it today.

No matter how much I tried to forget you, I saw your smile and it hurts so much.

Hyung, our relationship should not be a burden… Our love should be what makes us strong and going forward… In the past, I complained to you for not having time for me but I forgot how important our dreams are… We want to reach the highest stage, with NCT name in front of our name. We are doing it and we still do now. But I lost the most important thing in my life. That is your love… Your love is what makes me able to be standing above the stage and what makes me strong... It’s also what makes me here, who Huang Renjun is today.

I realized I’m wrong. I realized I have hurt you as much as you thought you hurt me… We can’t fix our relationship anymore…

But… Hyung…

I love you…

I love you so much it hurts me whenever I realized you are not beside me. It pained me by the fact we are nothing for each other anymore… It… hurts…”

Renjun couldn’t continue. He couldn’t bear his tears anymore. He didn’t hear the other party replied. He was sobbing as hard as he could—there is no one here as usual so no matter how hard he cried, no one will notice too.

He wants to let go. He wants to do it properly now.

“Hey, Renjun. I’m going to say my portion now…

Listen to this properly, okay?

You are my first and last love. It won’t change no matter how long the time passed. I fall in love with you again today after listen to your explanation. My beloved is just amazing I cannot not fall in love with him.

This past one year has been hard for both of us. I heard from Chenle that you locked up yourself because you are upset. You probably did your best for your performance. You love the fans more than me or anyone else in the group, of course you want to do the best to make them happy. But to show such a perfection is something Huang Renjun can only do. I can’t do anything.

You said I played an important in your life, I’m really touched. I might not be there but I want to say, you worked hard. You come so far on your own, Renjun-ah. I’m really proud of you and I know you are proud of me as well.”

Mark hold his tears as best as he can.

He can picture Renjun, trying to standing in front of him, with tears already filled his sparkling eyes. He smiled and let his tears fall.

“I’m… not as strong as you think. Same as you, you are my only inspiration. I wrote all my lyrics until this day is because you are present. You are beside me. I gained ideas and power to be able being an idol is because my precious Renjun stood beside me. I’m stuck right now, you know? Because you are not here. I won’t be able the Mark Lee I am without Huang Renjun in my heart.

Because I remember my love for you, I can endure the pain we both felt. I can stand above the stage without you, it’s not possible at all. You are the only reason why I am here, dear.

In every lyrics I wrote, every single of them, filled my feelings and messages for you. I’m glad you listen to them. I’m glad you get the love I want to convey through the only media I can do the best, and you gain power from this makes me moved a lot.

Renjun-ah, I love you. I love you so much I don’t care about everything else.

This past one year, I want to tell you I still love you and no matter how much time passed, it will always be like that…

Even though we can’t be together for eternity, it’s fine.

Our love lasts in our dreams. As long as we keep pursuing what we love the most, and remember each other in our heart, we will be together forever. We are not separated at all. In the first place… We are already together since you and I decided to pursue this dream we shared together.

Through the music we sang, our love will bloom forever.”

Renjun tried to grab Mark, who he could see in front of him, but couldn’t be touch no matter how much he reached out. He hugged himself instead.

“I miss you. I miss you so much I can’t hold back anymore. I want to kiss you. I want to tell you we will be fine and I want sleep in your side once again. I want to sing you my favorite songs and tell you everything happened in my days. I want to be your favorite dongsaeng even though I nag you a lot… I want you to come back in my body and become a part of me once again…

I love you. I love you. I love you, Mark-hyung… I really really love you…”

Renjun screamed, as he left his phone in the ground. He curled up and cried. Screamed so hard.

He didn’t care about everything anymore. All he wants is his beloved Mark-hyung to be his again. Even though it is impossible…

“Do you know that every time I dream, I only dreamed of one same scene? We are watching the sunset you loved so much. You will be by my side, humming "Don’t Go" softly and fell asleep while I will kiss your forehead and watched the sunset by myself. It’s always that and nothing else. When I woke up, I found myself miserable…”

“I dreamed of that dream too… Always…”

“I want you to know. I miss you too, Renjun-ah… I miss you… You know, it hurts me so much I hoped this is just a nightmare and when I woke up… I will be by your side… Hug your little body… Become yours again as you want… Share a lovely kiss and kiss your forehead so you will get a good dream… But it’s just a daydream and it won’t happen right…

But my love for you is real. I love you, Renjun-ah. I love you so much…” Mark said, closed his eyes with his arms.

Mark watched the sun went up to the now light blue sky as Renjun watched the sun descended to the ground. They continued to cry as much as they can after witnessing the scene.

“I love you, Hyung. I will always love you no matter what happens to us… Even though you will marry and have cute children from someone else, I will always love you…”

“That won’t happen. Because I can only love you in this world. No one else.

That’s a little promise I can commit to, Renjun. I will love you and it will last for eternity. Our songs will be the proof our everlasting love…”

Since after that day, they will be nothing for each other but a member of NCT. They will pour whatever they have for each other now—they won’t give a damn for everything and just having this moment for both of them.

This is a moment for both of them. This is the only time they can be together under the same sky. They comforted each other with each other’s presence.

….

Since after they woke up the next day, they can just hoping…

Whatever happened in the past…

They are the reality, and they don’t want to wake up from this dream…

…

Renjun sang the song that pictured them the best in attempt to stop Mark’s cry and console himself.

He sang “Timeless”.

The song fits their situation.

It doesn’t have to be perfect. Since what’s matter isn’t how he sings it but how it will reach Mark’s heart and comfort him.

Renjun sang “Timeless” as hard as he can—while Mark smiled as he listening to the long lost singing voice he missed so much.

While praying that their moment will be timeless as well and last forever, without the need to wake up from this beautiful memory that lasted only for 1 hour.

Mark doesn’t want to wake up.

Renjun doesn’t want to wake up as well.

_I want to live in this dream forever…_

* * *

“You wake up late today.”

Johnny said, giving a cup of coffee to Mark Lee who just woke up from his almost 24 hours sleep. Mark declined it politely, mumbling a small “no thank you”, as he took a sit beside the older. He didn’t see anyone else in the house.

“Taeyong went to accompany Chenle. Jungwoo hasn’t come home yet,” the older replied.

“Oh.”

“It’s bad to pass out in a public place, you know. You almost made Taeyong fainted. I can’t take care two persons in the same place.”

So, he did come to watch the sunrise, huh… Then, his whole conversation with Renjun is real…

He wakes up from that beautiful dream that lasts forever.

“Have you talk to Renjun? Chenle said you go to watch sunrise,” Johnny asked after a while.

“Yeah. I do.”

“How is it?”

Mark took a deep sigh, and watched the sky through the window.

“…It hurts. Still hurts.

But this time, maybe I will heal.

Since I want Renjun to know how much I love him, and the only way to do it is through writing the songs.”

Johnny smiled. Satisfied with the reply.

“I’m glad you found your resolve once again, kiddo. I’m proud of you,” he said, giving a soft stroke to the younger’s head.

This time, Mark will write his lyrics properly. He will do his best to convey his love through the words. He won’t do it half-hearted again. It will be his dream to able to reach his love.

_So he will be able to dream that precious memories they share in that bridge once again._

* * *

“Good morning, Sleeping Beauty.”

Renjun heard Haechan’s lazy voice as he entered the living room. The dorm was so messy, he didn’t even touch the floor. He saw Jeno in the kitchen, with Jaemin and Jisung playing games and Haechan watched them from behind. He looked at the sky, it was dark already. The Chinese decided to visit the April-born.

“How is your sleep, Renjun? You almost sleep for a whole day,” Jeno asked.

“It feels like I sleep for a whole year. I paid back the sleep loss from last twelve months in one day,” he replied, taking a glass and filled it with water.

They didn’t talk anymore. Jeno was busy with the dish.

“Thanks for setting that up,” Renjun said.

“I didn’t set anything. It was a coincidence.”

“Then, tell me about Chenle glared at Hyung and you laughed so hard you choked yesterday.”

“I thought you were asleep.”

“Your laugh is so loud I can’t help but to wake up,” the Chinese replied.

“How do you feel?” Jeno asked again as he looked at him.

Renjun smiled.

“This time, I will heal.

Because I must sing as hard as I can. As best as I can. So it will reach him again,” he replied, drank the water that get hold because of Jeno’s question.

Yeah, this time, Renjun will do his best when he sings. He won’t do it half-hearted anymore. He will show the best performance he can. He will sing as hard as he can—in order to reach his beloved’s heart again.

_So he will be able to dream that beautiful dream he always see every single time he closed his eyes once again._

**Author's Note:**

> You made it to the end. Congrats *clap clap*  
> To be honest I enjoyed writing this trilogy so much. It's almost 1 AM again so I didn't really proofcheck again and well I will just do it tomorrow if I have the will to do such. I tried to not make a lot of mistakes and reread everything once first before writing down the next part.  
> I really thank everyone who have read this trilogy so far. I want to thank those who give me courage and love, also comments and kudos, to make me finish this painful stories.  
> Honestly I want to stop at Walk You Home but it didn't sit with me well if I left them hanging. This is the proper ending.
> 
> I will put down my laptop and stop now.
> 
> Once again, I want to thank everyone for reading the stories I have made. I don't know when I will be coming back (probably not soon since I'm tired and want to bury myself after making these stories). I hope you enjoy. Leave comments and tell me how you feel after finishing this trilogy ^^
> 
> You can tell me at Twitter too. My username is arentiliria. I posted the link to the story though.  
> now let me bury myself and cry because i hurt mark and renjun so much


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